Saturday, July 4, 2009

Terminator Salvation-Movie Review

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I’ll be honest with you guys, after the Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, I pretty much washed my hands of the Terminator franchise and decided that I wasn’t going to support anything that came out claiming to be associated with the Terminator universe. But then I heard some rumblings claiming that Christian Bale was going to be taking over the role of John Connor… as a person who doesn’t mind Bale and has enjoyed his work (except his retarded voice) in the recently re-launched Batman films, I had hope that this movie was going to be good. Sadly, I was wrong as this movie, which is helmed by that hack director known as McG, ended up killing any hope that I had for the film.

Terminator Salvation, which is a sequel/prequel to the previous franchise, takes place after the events of Judgment Day (the third movie’s Judgment Day) and is set in the year 2018. During this time, John Connor (Christian Bale), who has yet to become the Resistance’s leader, goes about trying to convince the military leaders (and everyone else for that matter) to listen to him and fight some terminators along the way. Ah, but this is where the plot starts to get fun (and yes, I’m saying that sarcastically). Since John is still a thorn in their sides, Skynet and Cyberdyne have come up with a plan to rid themselves of this douche known as John Connor. The plan involves using a guy, who is kind of a terminator but also human too, named Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) to infiltrate the ranks, get close to John Connor and possibly kill him too. But there is a problem with this plan; since Marcus is still part human, the fucker has a conscience and would rather focus on redeeming his past sins than killing John Connor. Oh yeah, before I forget, apparently all the terminators know that Kyle Reese (Anton Yelchin) shot his man goo in Sarah Connor and are now out to kill him too… just in case.

This movie isn’t terrible… it’s fucking terrible. Everyone in this movie, who isn’t named Sam Worthington, sucks. If the character’s name wasn’t Marcus Wright, John Connor or Kyle Reese then that character basically served no purpose in the film. Speaking of serving no purpose, this film includes a little mute girl, named Star (Jadagrace Berry), who strolls around with Kyle and does nothing but hold Marcus’ hand. Bale, utilizing a gravelly voice that is equally as annoying as his Batman voice, delivers a lackluster performance as John Connor. The performance is so bad that you pretty much stop caring about what’s happening on the screen and try to see if you can pinpoint the exact scene Bale threw his tantrum. Ah, but the most annoying performance in this movie comes from Anton Yelchin. This kid was shit as Chekov in the most recent Star Trek movie and doubles his shittiness as Kyle Reese in this film. He goes around trying to be a bad ass, but fails at it because he just sounds like a prepubescent assbag trying to be tough. The little girl in this movie has bigger balls than Yelchin… he’s this film’s Shia LaBeouf.

This movie also suffers from some horrendous writing. The script was rewritten so many times that the film is left with an insane amount of plot holes, weak character development and has been dumb downed so much that, apparently, in the future there is no such thing as logic. The writing is one of the attributes that the first two films thrived on, and unlike this one, those films didn’t forget about simple shit like logic. Yeah there were some plot holes in them, but those films weren’t riddled with plot holes like this one.

The biggest flaw with Terminator Salvation is McG. McG, who somehow works his love for extreme sports into the film, puts together a film that he can’t even call his own. This man doesn’t have an original bone in his body at all. Here’s a list of his originality: the giant Terminators resemble Transformers, make the same sounds and serve the same purpose the Tripods in Spielberg’s War of the World had. At one point they use a distorted Godzilla roar, which you wouldn’t really know unless you have watched numerous Godzilla films. But wait, there’s more… this fuck has the audacity to rip off True Lies, Aliens, Predator and The Road Warrior… good job being original, you assbag.

Besides Sam Worthington, this movie has around two things going for it. The first thing is that the CGI in the movie looks nice. But that is of no surprise since this movie allegedly cost $200 million. The other thing this movie has going for it is that Michael Ironside is in it… and I never talk shit about Michael Ironside out of fear that if I did he may blow up my head.

In the end, Terminator Salvation is a major let down. There is so much wrong with the movie that ends up dirting the souls of fans of the first two films. To see such a well loved franchise take a dirtnap is truly a sad thing to witness.

Final Synopsis: This movie sucks. One should skip this film, continue watching the first two and forget that three exists and forget that you heard anything about this new trilogy.

Points Lost: -1 for too many plot holes, -1 for Bale’s lackluster performance, -1 for Anton Yelchin, -1 for weak characters, -1 for being poorly written, -1 for McG’s “originality”, -1 for ripping the heart out of a well loved franchise.

Lesson Learned: Apparently if you superheated and then rapidly cooled off a Terminator, said Terminator will still be able to function without shattering.

Burning Question: Did anyone else give up on this movie after Worthington said, “So that’s what death tastes like” at the beginning?


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